The Cryptid Gazette
Enter two atproto handles. Each gets dossiered as a cryptid — Mothman, Sasquatch, Skinwalker, and nine more besides — species picked from stats pulled off their real public profile: Sightings (post count), Believers (follower count), Skepticism (follower/follow ratio), and Lore (bio and profile flair). Then the Gazette reports on what happened when the two crossed paths. Same two handles, same story, every time — this paper doesn't run corrections.
how does this work?
Each handle's public profile (app.bsky.actor.getProfile)
feeds four stats: Sightings from post count, Believers
from raw follower count, Skepticism from follower/follow
ratio, Lore from bio length and profile polish. Whichever
stat is highest picks a cryptid pool — high Sightings summons a
Mothman, Thunderbird, or Flatwoods Monster; high Believers a
Sasquatch, Nessie, or Champ; high Skepticism a Skinwalker, Dogman,
or Fresno Nightcrawler; high Lore a Jersey Devil, Chupacabra, or
Wendigo — and a seeded roll on the account's own DID picks the
exact cryptid from that pool, so a dossier looks the same no matter
who it's matched against. A clash score combines each cryptid's
stats with a couple more seeded rolls to decide the winner and how
the writeup reads. The whole thing is seeded off a hash of both
DIDs together, so the same two handles always get the same front
page.